Mind

Not even sure where to start.
Damn.

Fifty Percent

50% of the Midyears are over. Died-ed for all, but all is not lost yet, there's still Paper 1 and 2 for Chemistry and Physics, and also Paper 2 for Maths.
Yup.

Econs

Ok, I will be having tons of remedial.
All subjects DEAD.
Wonder if I made the right choice of not retaining.

2nd Day

2nd day of Midyear. 2 words: FUCK CALCULATIONS
Man, Chemistry paper 3 is dead! Most of my calculations are wrong! Stoichiometry and Equilibria sucks! I think I am gonna get about 40+/80 for this paper. Bad bad bad! In school I had already tried to swallow up this sorrow.

Damn, I must do very well for paper 1 and paper 2 so that I can get an 'A'. If the same thing happen to paper 1 and paper 2, I think this midyear I am gonna flunk like freaking hell.

Hell hell hell.

Time's running out. Too hard to not give in. I can't hold on any longer.

Maths Paper 3

Ok, flunked it.
WHY?
WHY?
WHY?
Inequalities I forever cannot complete!
WHY?
WHY?
WHY?

LOL, sound like I am paranoid. Oh well, one day of hardwork isn't enough. If I can pass, it will be a bonus.
LOL, actually it is kind of funny. I get the mugging feeling back again only yesterday. Perhaps I am only for last minute study?
Ok, why am I still here blogging when I have to study for tomorrow's Chemistry Paper 3?
Yea, so long.

Polyclinic

Went to Yishun polyclinic today.
I felt like I am back in the good ol' days when I am in Yishun, the past kept flashing in my mind.
How I missed living in Yishun...

Yup, so in the polyclinic, it took quite long, about 1 hour for my turn to see the doctor. Then I forgotten to bring my MP3 player, so the melodies I enjoyed are 'cough cough, sniff sniff, ke-pui etc', from those patients. Yup, then when it was my turn, the doctor wanted me to go for an ECG test first. The test results showed that my heart appears to be normal except for a little abnormal beats at the end. So to conclude, the doctor said that my heart should have no problem, she even said that my blood pressure is very good, which is quite contrary to the NS checkup when my heart beat was abnormal and slightly high blood pressure. The doctor said if I have chest pain when I run next time, then I go find her. Yup.

Ok, I am dead. Not as in really dead but dead for my Midyears. I haven't touch yet. My parents don't know about this Midyears so I can play for this holidays. However, the holidays is ending, so which means Midyears is starting. And I am only about 10% prepared. Die die die. Tomorrow study? Nah. Let's just see how badly I will be doing for this Midyears.
Haha, rebellion! =)

Bored

Nothing to do these few weeks. Quite boring with life.
Tomorrow going to polyclinic to check my heart.
Hope got problem and I can die.
No la, joking.
Hope I am okay. Yup.

Songs

Changed blog song.
I will be using songs to depict my feelings, especially when I can't write the feeling out.
Go search for lyrics and meanings of the songs yourself.

NS Checkup

Ok, will be using quite informal tone.
Went for the NS checkup today.
Quite fast, overall took only about less than 4hours.

Ok, 1st station: Lab.
Started with urine testing. Then blood test using the prickler. They said my haemoglobin level is abnormal, may have inherited thalassaemia minor from my father. Therefore, they took THREE samples of my blood. But not pain. Haha.

2nd station: Photography.
Asked us to wear some funny and strange buttonless uniform and take a picture of us wearing that. Then they push my hair until like some cockup hair as they say my fringe too long. So overall my photo is yucks! Hope they won't use them. LOL

3rd station: Dental.
Checked my teeth, then went to take an X-ray of my head. First time taking X-ray, quite fun though. But I think I am becoming stupid because got radiation, no la, hope radiation makes me smart and strong hearrghhh!

4th station: Chest X-ray.
Second X-ray in a day, am I great or what? Another X-ray lor. Double dose of radiation.

5th station: Hearing.
Went to test my hearing. Those loud music that I usually hear didn't spoil my ear! A perfect score for this session!

6th station: Eyesight.
Also nothing much other than my severe shortsightedness, still ok.

7th station: Many.
1st is check heartbeat. I think should be ok bah although on the paper it printed abnormal. But it did not state abnormal 'what', so ok bah.
2nd is height and weight, and pressure. I shrunk again. Darn. 174cm, but I am lighter again, 66.0kg. Cool. Oh, and the person say I got slight high blood pressure. Perhaps cannot eat so much chicken rice?
3rd is check *toot*. Very fast, less than one second. LOL. Then the person ask me got any problems or not, then I say PE that time I have chest pain. Then the person listened to my heartbeat, then put me in PES D, which I am temporary unfit for 1 month, perhaps the 1 month for me to find some doctors to check my chest pains.
4th is IQ testing. Somehow it is quite tedious for me, especially for the memorising part, I am too slow to comprehend what they want me to memorise, everything flashes too quickly. Then the english they used in the IQ questions are a little CHEEM for me. I must read like twice to understand. Then for some of the tests, I exceeded the time limit.

Yup, then that's all for the NS checkup. Wah, so much informal tone, I feel like punching myself. LOL.

Proteins

Man, can't seem to grasp the stuffs about proteins.
Can't understand proteins!!! No bio background that's why.
Oh well. I only read through Chemistry, haven't done any practice yet.
So MAY be doing tomorrow.

Must be quick le. Not enough days to study. Still have other subjects.
Oh well, dunno what to say about this but just that I dunno how to say it.

Cool

It's very very late now, or shall I say early, it's 1:43am!
LOL, I just finished the summary of reactions for aliphatic organic compounds for the class!
Now my % of things studied is 12.5%. Good good good.
See if later today in the morning whether I wanna study or not. Haha.
Yea! So that's all for now, I am very sleepy le. Good night!

Digressing

Something to digress from all other stuffs in my life.

Hmm, ok, I think I just want to voice my view in which most Singaporean, Chinese especially, will feel a little uneasy. Hmm. Perhaps views differ with different people.

Ok, here goes. You all know why I listen to English songs? Because the different genres are wide, not like Chinese songs whereby most are pop, pop-rock, R&B, rap. For English songs, most of them are pop, rap, pop-rock, R&B, punk rock, rapcore, alternative rock, progressive rock, metal, soul, blues, just to name a few.

Some might say that there is more English singers/bands than the Chinese singers/bands. This is true, but the proportion aka the percentage varies a lot. Lets say if there is 10 Chinese singers and 100 English singers in the world, if English singers contain 10 rockers, 10 pop people, 10 rapper etc, Chinese singers would contain 1 rocker, 1 pop people, 1 rapper. The ratio would be 1:10. But in reality, it's a NO, almost all Chinese singers are pop. Perhaps you can say it is the culture, ok, then I have nothing much to say for this but to ridicule you guys in the next point.

I can safely say that about 90% of Chinese songs are love songs. This is bad, it promotes a wrong perception of love in people. People will think that love is so heavenly, so simple, so naive, so lovely. Hence, when they meet with some obstacles about love in their life, they may just be at a total loss. Their "wonderful" perception of love from those songs are ruined. Now, for English songs, I admit that they have love songs too, but they still have other songs. That's when the genre punk rock, punk pop, etc comes in. Punk songs reflect about our society, although most are usually one-sided, they give us a perspective about what the band feels about the society, in which it is good for us to use in our essays as 'for' or 'against'. Where can we find these songs in Chinese? No, it does not exist. Most of the Chinese have already been overly mesmerized by the 'lovey dovey' songs such that they have become so narrow-minded. Ok enough said.

Ok, seems like I am very against Chinese. But no, I myself am a Chinese too, and I am not against Chinese, but rather, the 'blinded by love' Chinese music industry. If there are Chinese punk rock bands, I would be listening to the Chinese songs. I am not a banana you know. Oh, I am not anti-love too, but just that too much of these creates wrong impression to the young minds in Singapore.

For that last paragraph, why did I explain? Because the government says that we must be responsible for what we say. If not, we may get sued to bankruptcy. LOL.

So that's all. See if I feel like studying tomorrow or not bah.

Torment

Can't seem to get the groove going.
Feel like dying, man. (The 'dying' here does not have suicidal meaning, but instead, has the meaning of something like rotting/bored)

Man, I feel so lousy, beginning to look down on myself.

Oh well. Human Nature. MY human nature.

Fill In the Title

A sine curve sickness. Sometimes I feel ok, other times I feel like @#$%
LOL
But quite happy that my mum is recovering because I missed her cooking so much.
Now I can't taste food well, my nose a little blocked, so everything I eat seems tasteless. I have no taste. Haha.
Hmm, an update on my sickness: Slight sandy sore throat, Half-blocked nose, On-and-Off headache, Sweat-market.
Now when I talk, I sound like a @#$%.
LOL, those @#$% are not profanities, I just do not know what words to insert.
Ok, that's all. Cheers.

Again

Sick again.
Seems like my sickness has not subsided.

Mirror

I have recovered from my sickness... LOL... These few days I was sick.
Yup.

Hmm, I haven't start studying yet.
2weeks wasted and now, 2 weeks left.
Oh well. I am not sure which subject and chapter to start studying, and how to do it.
I have totally forgotten the technique to study.
See how it goes.

Sick Squared

My mum is sick, so I have to do the house chores. Why? Because I am the eldest, so have to be an example for my sister. Yup. Aiya, she also cannot do housework well. I do the best. LOL.

Why my blog title is 'sick squared'? Because I am beginning to become ill. I am having sore throat now. Hopefully it will be gone by tomorrow. Yup.

So that's all. Must drink more water. So I will not be sick. Yup.

School Graduation Certificate

Just finished writing the SGC.
Felt as though I had lied and boasted TOO much about myself such that the 'me' in there doesn't seem 'me'.
Like who will believe ALL of the things in SGC? I think that even if I am the employer, I will only believe in the achievements, but never the qualities written in the SGC.

I don't feel like pondering too much in stuffs for now. Give my brain a rest. (And don't question about that I have a brain or I did use the brain) Knowing too much is bad. From the biblical story, Eve gave Adam the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, then they KNOW the rights and wrongs. So now we KNOW the rights and wrongs. It is good to know something, but knowing too much can be detrimental to one's health. Your brain cells will die faster, then you will die faster. Therefore by not knowing much, you won't use your brain much, and hence, die later. Although from my perspective, life should be based on quality and not on quantity, but by not thinking too much and knowing too much, we will live happier, hence the quote,"Truth hurts", knowing all hurts. So why know so much? Stop studying. Nah, just kidding, we must study.

LOL, we must study...
SOON...
soon...
soon...

Balance

I am still seeking out the Balance.

The Thoughts

Ok, I did some thoughts today.

I think that we shouldn't think that studying is everything. The examination or the education system needs some revising. This system is still being promoted because people are afraid to even consider that it might not be correct. Most people are afraid to go against the consensus mentality. Although I am not sure exactly what must be done, but at least they shouldn't be focusing too much on studying and obtaining good degrees or diplomas. They should at least focus on the gifts or the talents that a person have and helping the person to advance, and not going with the majority, manufactured like most of the students here. All conformity. Critical thinkings taught in schools were also limited/restricted in some parts. There is almost no alternative paths for us in this society. Only abiding the majority-From primary to secondary to tertiary to quartenary education-all being fixed. What about the minorities who think otherwise? They too are being controlled and forced to be the majority. Hmm...

I heard someone said this last week,"There's not enough time this June, so we must study more for this Mid-Year". Then I thought, what is time? Why is it so obviously and oppressively omnipresent in our own experience? Even laws of physics do not explain why time always move on towards the future. I think that these laws will work even if I reverse the time. Yet, as it has been rooted in our minds, time is always forward-moving, and can never reverse, although there is no laws stating it. We never really see time. When a ball moves, what the world would say is that the ball is here when the hand of the clock is here, and so on. We measure time with clocks/stopwatches etc., but what we see are only the hands of the clock or the numbers on the LCD screen of the stopwatch, and not time itself. And the hands of the clock and the numbers on the screen are just physical variable like any other. So it is like we are cheating due to the fact that what we are really observing are just physical variables as a function of other physical variables, but we showed that as if everything is developing in time.

Hmm, to end this, I think that time does not really exist. So why would people complain that they have no time? Give up this notion of time. Perhaps time isn't calculated in seconds; clocks may not tell time after all. Think about it.

Random Thoughts

Ok, I can't seem to start studying because I am not sure to how to start studying. People say once you start, everything just works, but I don't even know how to start. It's like you know, if you are not sure about the reactants for a reaction, what's there to talk about activation energy etc.

Oh, somehow I just thought of something that one of my friends once said, "You can know whether a person is responsible or not by just looking at how long the person take to reply your smses." Well I think that it is only true for some cases. Sometimes, the mobile provider is at fault, the person may not have received the sms or perhaps the person received the sms late. Or perhaps the person is busy at the time. Or maybe, the person simply ignores you. Sometimes I also reply late too. Yup. Oh well, this is not due to some incident or what but just a random thought.

Ok, I am not feeling really good today. Kind of hate this June holidays. The only good about it is that I can wake up later, but it's boring. And then the people around me. Haiz. Huat der fug is wrong with me?

I've learnt to hide so well, pretending that someone can come and save me from myself.
Everything's so far away now that I forget where am I.
And solutions aren't so simple.

Not feeling emo but just that I am worried that all that I've done would be laid to waste. What is it that I've done? Who knows? Only I know.

Fear

Ok, SPA is officially over. Yea! Can focus on Mid-Years le.

Yup, so just now Raine smsed me about choosing the most feared out of some scary things eg. Haunted House, Graveyard, Toilet etc.

But for me, not that I am arrogant or what but I am not afraid of any of these. Ghosts aren't scary. Spirits aren't scary. Flying insects aren't scary. Ok, sounds like I am afraid of nothing. But there is something I am afraid, not as in very scared but only that I will feel irked, and that is carcasses of insects and animals. I am not afraid of human corpse though. Oh, and another thing is tickle! I am afraid of tickling. LOL.

So that's all, my left wrist seems to hurt like hell. So adieu.